Tag: chaos

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Looking Back Blind

Nostalgia is a prison
built from the stones that anchor
the trenches dug as the row gets plowed
by the dragging across the ages and miles

Memory is not a shelter
it is a trap for the unprepared
a hole in the row, as cavities grow
and the rictus is mistaken for smiles

a shell of a comfortable mirror
pointed back but not pointed to self
never looking ahead to the alternate paths
just falling into the concentric patterns of death

Shatter the walls of reverie
tradition and how the things were
a trap set by the lazy unconscious
and the death rattle of growing’s last breath

Memory is for reference
Now is for life
the future is chaos blooming
Stop digging and start nurturing existence

Lose the anchors
lower the stones
breath and walk free into now
create today without false resistance

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Last Payment

Nobody knows what this will cost me
Honesty’s too real
The baring of the layers of
Callous armor peels

Away from the scarred and broken
mending lines and pain
A confession long unspoken
of plans too long refrained

To tell the truth to myself
would shatter me away
when I look at what is left inside
there’s nothing left to say

Hatred left a wasteland
rage a scorched path
violence was the answer
but the question’s never asked

born into all the world could teach
before the mind could grow
who is it now, what can become
something I can never know

So I pay myself a visit
Across the ashes and the flame
should I peel away another scar
I’ll never be the same

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Unstructured

The water ripples
Sound mapped on the 3D plane
A drop remembers

The wind sighs by me
whispering secrets loved long
Memory in scent

Trees murmur to all
Hushing the children playing
Rustle fallen clothes

The clouds drifting through
They have witnessed it before
mourning comes too soon

The water ripples
sorrow given form
A drop remembers

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Visible Noise

On this search for entertaining things to add to what I do, I learned about visual synthesizers. Thanks to my friend Alex Plasko, musician and Photographer extraordinaire, I found hardware and software versions of what I was wanting. After looking at pricing, I decided to start with Cathodemer.

So far it does what I expected and then some. I will be adding it to my live streaming on a camera-facing monitor. Just add to the visual ambiance.

The video below is an example, using the visual synth feeding it from the webcam

I plan to have this running with my live stream, and maybe on a projector with live shows. (Or large TV)

I think it will contribute to the vibe!

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The Process

Creating can cause a stress response. Bringing new into the world. eustress and distress feel the same when chemicals are fucked up. Flight or Fight.

Stare at the blank page. Stare at the empty DAW. Stare at the keys. The strings. The silent powered-off amplifier. The empty canvass.

The chemicals just bounce around in a neural stew. No answers. Just agonizing white noise refusing to resolve into a sensory gift.

Defy the static. Turn on the amp. Drag a sound into the DAW. Strum the strings. Press the keys. Make zero sense. Write nonsense words strung together arhythmically.

Motion defies entropy.

Motion defies entropy.

Move.